The adventures of Bertholdt and the bubble
In 1983 a man was tested to see if he could sense god if all his senses were taken away. Every sense nerve in his brain was disconnected. He could not feel, hear, see or smell. He began reporting he could hear the voices of the dead and gave precise details that he could have not known. He then said he could see them and began clawing at his eyes, it turned to screaming and biting chunks of his flesh off. His last words were “I have spoken with God, and he has abandoned us” and died.
this is terrifying
if every one of my followers did this, we could give more than 85 meals to less-fortunate animals. for free.
AH HHA ITS BACK YES PLEASE IT TAKES A SECOND OF YOUR TIME AND A LIFE OF AN ANIMAL
stop this man
im calling the fucking cops
i have obama on the phone
Fun Story: My director kept telling me and my tenor sax buddy to play softer. No matter what we did, it wasn’t soft enough for him. So getting frustrated, I told my buddy “Dont play this time. Just fake it”
Our Band Director then informed us we sounded perfect.
To my readers: “p” means quiet, “pp” means really quiet. I’ve never seen “pppp” before haha.
On the contrast, “f” means loud, and “ffff” probably means so loud you go unconscious.
I had ffff in a piece once and my conductor told me to play as loudly as physically possible without falling off my chair…
Me and my trombone buddies had “ffff” and he sat next to me and played so hard that he fell out of his chair.
The lengths we go for music.
Okay yeah so I play the bass clarinet and the amount of air you have to move and the stiffness of the reed means it only has two settings and that is loud and louder, with an optional LOUDEST that includes a 50% probability of HORRIBLE CROAKING NOISE which is the bass equivalent of the ubiquitous clarinet shriek.
One day, when I was in concert band in high school, we got a new piece handed out for the first time, and there was a strange little commotion back in the tuba section — whispering, and pointing at something in the music, and swatting at each other’s hands all shhh don’t call attention to it. And although they did attract the attention of basically everyone else in the band, they managed to avoid being noticed by the band director, who gave us a few minutes to look over our parts and then said, “All right, let’s run through it up to section A.”
And here we are, cheerfully playing along, sounding reasonably competent — but everyone, when they have the attention to spare, is keeping an eye on the tuba players. They don’t come in for the first eight measures or so, and then when they do come in, what we see is:
[reeeeeeally deep breath]
[COLOSSAL FOGHORN NOISE]
The entire band stops dead, in the cacophonous kind of way that a band stops when it hasn’t actually been cued to stop. The band director doesn’t even say anything, just looks straight back at the tubas and makes a helpless sort of why gesture.
In unison, the tuba players defend themselves: “THERE WERE FOUR F’S.”
FFFF is not really a rational dynamic marking for any instrument, but for the love of all that is holy why would you put it in a tuba part.
This is the best band post
Everyone else go home
Oh man, so I play trombone, and we got this piece called Florentiner Marsch by Julius Fucik, and we saw this
which is 8 fortes. We were shocked until,
that is 24 fortes who the fuck does that
Who does that?
This guy. Take a good look - that is the moustache of a man with nothing to lose.
More like Julius Fuckit
You get a fly! You get a fly! Everyone gets a fly!
#The only fly I want is Hoechlin’s or Dylan’s and I want it wide open.
BABY TIME LORDS ARE CALLED TIME TOTS AND IF YOU DONT THINK THATS THE CUTEST DOCTOR WHO-RELATED THING EVER THEN BYE
“Okay, guys, we’ve gotta hurry this up. Derek and Stiles will be back from picking up dinner any second now,” Lydia says as she twirls a pen in her hand.
“Alright-Scott, you’ve got money down on Decmber 1st-little ambitious there if you ask me, Allison’s hoping for January 10th…What about you Isaac?”
Isaac narrows his eyes before responding. “New Years. At midnight, specifically.”
Lydia snorts. “No way it is going to take them that long. The holiday season is infectious, there’s no way those two will be able to get through it without a grand confession. I’m going with…Christmas Eve. No, Christmas Day. Alright, everyone, signatures here please.” She passes the sheet of paper that she’s written the bets on over to Allison.
As the pack signs the paper, Lydia continues.
“Alright, so we all agree-winner gets 50 bucks, from every pack member. And gets to pick the movie at pack nights for the the next year. Not to mention eternal glory. Whoever’s guess is the next closest day to the day that Stiles and Derek finally get their act together, wins. But once your day is over, you lose. You only have until midnight on that day to win.”
The pack nods in agreement and Lydia slips the sheet back into her purse just as Derek and Stiles walk in the door, arguing as usual.
“You could have at least gotten one order of curly fries, that’s all I’m saying,” Stiles complains as Derek shuts the door behind them.
“You’re the only one who eats that crap.” Derek retorts.
“Yeah, which is exactly why you should have ordered it! Would have been a nice gesture, that’s all I’m saying.”
Derek glares at Stiles from across the kitchen counter.
“Maybe I should’ve moved my bet up,” Isaac comments.
“What bet?” calls Derek as he strides into the living room where the pack is seated.
“Nothing,” they all respond in unison.
back when i was in community college my teacher told us the story of a girl in his class who wanted to have sex with her boyfriend but they didnt have any lube so they used mayonnaise. fast forward a couple of days and she’s getting random orgasms during class and driving places so she goes to the doctor and they check her out and guess what they found
okay ill tell you it was maggots. maggots were in her vagina giving her orgasms.
YOU MISSED THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE
i wanna be cute and deadly